Wednesday, 8 April 2015

Why So Clingy?

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This week I have noticed that little J has become very clingy. I thought if he was ever going to have a clingy phase then I thought it would be towards me, but its not its actually Daddy. When there is just the two of us, we play, sing, dance and have lots of fun but when Daddy comes home or enters the room he changes. He becomes upset, whiny and wants Daddy to pick him up all the time. Once Daddy picks him up he stops but then if I try to talk to Daddy or come close little J pushes me away. Its like he wants Daddy all to himself.
I feel really sorry for Daddy because he's not able to enjoy playing with little J at the moment because of this clingy behaviour. Now I know its probably just a phase, well at least I hope it is but I'm wondering if there is anything we can do in the meantime to make it more bearable.
I have used my old friend google to find other families who are dealing with this and the advice is a bit of a mixed bag. Some say don't give in, don't pick him up or give him any extra attention whilst others say its a phase so just go with the flow and it will pass. 
We have tried a bit of both and he is still very much 'I want daddy and I don't want anyone else to have him' 
Last night he was the worst I have seen him. Daddy went upstairs and he screamed at the top of his voice pointing to the stairs. Poor Daddy was going to come straight back down but I gestured without speaking the words for Daddy to stay up there and I would try and distract him. I got on the floor and started to play with a toy that was close by. Little J continued to cry, waiting to see when Daddy was going to return. His eye wandered towards me as I just played. The volume of the cry lessened a little and he moved closer to me and the toy. He took the toy off me and he stopped crying. I talked to him and we played together and laughed. He was like a different child than the one two minutes ago, he didn't even notice 10 minutes later that Daddy had returned to the room. 
So for now distraction and not giving in is working to a point, so i think we will stick to this but I would love to know if you have been through this. 
What did you do? Was it just another Toddler Phase?
You can read more from my series by clicking Toddler Days 


  
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22 comments

  1. We've actually passed through several of these phases with our kids (8 of them) and have now started the process with Hectic Grandson. We're suckers for giving in, but I'm a master of distraction too. I think your instincts (playing with HIS toy) were spot on. From my experience, the good news is that although tough, you'll make it through this phase. The bad news is that you may have more of these phases in the future.

    Great to find you on the #twinklylinky.

    Hang in there, and try to make it a great day!

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  2. #twinklytuesday is where I found you, duh!

    My fussing grandson distracted me LOL

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  3. My eldest is a huge daddys girl, and my youngest is a huge mummys girl. This works out well, if daddy is not at work. We dealt with it like this... if daddy or myself were available for cuddles, and didn't have anything we NEEDED to do, we would cuddle and give them the attention and cuddles. If we were busy, out and about, or jobs to be done, we didn't, and we was tough.... good luck, it is a phase, and will eventually pass, then come back again. x

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  4. Baby B has been through a couple of 'leg limpet' phases but I've been expecting much worse. He has just turned one so perhaps we still have it all to come. Distraction sounds like a good technique. Their short term memories are very short so a few minutes should be all it takes for the mood to shift. Good luck!

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  5. Awh hope he gets through the clingy phase soon and you can all enjoy some proper playtime together! x

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  6. Think it's perfectly normal. It's what I can "superstar daddy syndrome" because often daddy is the fun one whilst mummy is cast in the role of bad cop!

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  7. Aw bless, it just sounds like he is attaching himself to daddy as he is seen as the fun one and mum sets the ground rules more and sees you as more of the telling off one? :-) xx

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  8. I'm the least favorite in our house. Not a surprise as his Mummy is a SAHM and I spend more of our first 5 months together hooked up to a breast pump than I did playing with him or feeding him. Its cruddy though, when I can't console or distract him when his Mummy goes to another room. Hope it passes soon.

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  9. My son was like this for quite awhile. Normal with me but when Daddy would come home he would be very territorial. What I have notice is that its because he leaves. My son thought that he is gone and is clingy to his Dad because he doesnt want to lose him again. I dont even remember how we overcome this phase but talking and explaining even if my wee one doesnt get it. Talking probably worked on us then. #sharewithme

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  10. We went through this phase with both kids - like you it came as a surprise as they were very attached to mummy and then suddenly became very clingy to dad. I think it was just a part of growing up a bit and getting some independence from me. It seems like it is never going to end at the time but it does!

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  11. We have a similar thing with my youngest but it's me she wants. Tbh I would just go with it but don't encourage it if you see what I mean. x

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  12. I promise you, this phase will pass! My eldest two were both super clingy with dadddy too but Bella was clingy with me. Wonder who Elsie will cling to??! It doesn't last long though x x x

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  13. Aww. They all go through their own little phases don't they. Our two have been through clingy phases - they soon rediscover their independence. x

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  14. Both of my kids have been clingy for a period of their toddler lives. And I did one way with the first and the other with the second and both turned out the same. So I think just go with what you think is right and no harm ever came from loving and picking your children up too much. They say that's why colic babies grow up to be more confident adults as they were held 24/7. Who knows all we can do is our best and sounds like you are doing great. I was frustrated at first with the clinginess but it didn't seem to last long promise. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. Hope you are having a lovely weekend. #sharewithme

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  15. We definitely went through this stage and a few blog posts feature on my blog about it! It really was just a stage and there is nothing we could have done differently - he just did not want me which made it very hard for both of us! Daddy was exhausted and I felt completely pushed away. It didn't last long and now it's mummy again, has been for ages and now I feel sorry for daddy (although it's not quite as bad as it was then because he will let daddy put him to bed...I can see them on the monitor now cuddling while he falls asleep!). You'll get through it I promise...you kind of have to! Thanks so much for linking up with #twinklytuesday

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  16. I feel for you but it really is just a phase. As other people have said, however you treat it, the outcome will be the same. With daughter #3 I just gave in and enjoyed the cuddles! Good luck x #sharefriday

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  17. We have been through so many phases like this. It doesn't help that my husband is in the Forces so often away for months at a time. It totally sucks but for me, time is the only thing that makes it any better. I hope your phase passes soon.

    #ToddlersAndTeens

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  18. My eldest did this as well, it upset me at the time because it felt he didn't want me but he's grown out of it now. I now have my baby girl who clings to me all the time and I feel sorry for my husband and anyone else who holds her.

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  19. Littlest B (18M) has always been a Daddy's boy and clings to him when he is about. I rarely get a look in and if Daddy, as you say, leaves the room, he screams till he returns. He won't be distracted and gets more fustrated if I try to calm him so for now, we ignore it and Daddy tries not to make too much fuss when he returns. Baby went through a similar stage but never this bad. Still a learning curve for us but my focus is creating a 'bond' between he and I and focus on that rather than pay attention to the Daddy cling!

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  20. Its about finding a healthy balance. Give in too much and they expect it every time, but they also need the one-on-one time with each parent. It's very frustrating. good luck!

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  21. I'm terrible for giving in. Comma is 14 months and he is very much a Mummy's boy. He won't let me do anything for much of the day unless it involves him. He jumps on my lap to stop me doing anything. I just go with the flow though, because soon enough he will be too independent to want my world to revolve around him.

    Beth x

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  22. We've not been through this to the extent you have, but Sophie is all daddy when he is around, she really isn't interested in me, unless she's hungry - she knows who feeds her! I hope it soon passes for you.

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Thanks for your comments. I love reading them :)

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