When Breastfeeding Just Doesn't Happen

I usually don't get involved with conversations regarding breastfeeding as it's a personal choice whether you do it or don't. I would never like to judge anyone who didn't breastfeed because their reasons have nothing to do with me. I was somehow roped in to a conversation recently between two Mums talking about feeding their babies. One had breastfed and one had tried but couldn't. They both looked at me to share my feeding story however I felt slightly embarrassed and I'm not sure why.
With big J I didn't even try to breastfeed, I'm not sure why but I am assuming that 15 years ago it wasn't such a big thing. Maybe it was but for some reason I was oblivious and it just didn't even seem an option. Did I feel embarrassed telling these two women that I didn't even try to breastfeed my eldest? No I'm comfortable with my choice however I did feel uncomfortable telling them about little J and our feeding story.

When I was having little J the 'breast is best' was everywhere. Every appointment I attended it was mentioned at least once and there were posters, leaflets and even sticky post it notes with the slogan on. As there is a huge age gap between my two I did feel like a new Mummy again and was willing to take any advice that was thrown at me.

When little J was born I was ready for this amazing breastfeeding experience that I had been promised. I had bought everything we had needed and I even had a one to one chat and demonstration when little J was just hours old.

The reason I am embarrassed to talk about our story is because I felt uncomfortable throughout our breastfeeding journey. I wasn't enjoying it as much as I had thought, and I don't think little J did either. I am a worrier and I was constantly worrying that he wasn't getting enough. The first night at home I made Daddy run the Asda after midnight to get formula because little J looked so hungry. After a day or two I did get used to it a little more but I still wasn't enjoying it. I tried to express and it would take hours and not a lot came out. After 6 weeks I quit, I couldn't do it any longer.

I feel more embarrassed telling people that I tried and quit after 6 weeks with little J than saying I didn't try at all with big J.

Why is that? Maybe it's because I failed at something that I am supposed to do as a Mummy and I'm supposed to be good at.

I am trying to overcome my embarrassment and realise that 6 weeks was better than nothing and I tried. We should never be embarrassed about our parenting choices. We have to do whats best for us and sometimes that isn't always what we told is the right thing to do.


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