Baby Loss Awareness Week - Remembering Our Babies

As many of you may know baby loss is extremely close to my heart. Losing a baby is heartbreaking and no parent should ever have to go through this.
Preparing for a baby starts way before you get that positive pregnancy test its starts at the moment you decide you want to have a baby.
For us, we decided when big J was just a few years old that we would try for a baby. When you make that choice it completely takes over your life and for us trying for a baby lasted six years. Finally in 2009 we got pregnant. I honestly didn't think that day would come when we got that positive test but it did and we were over the moon. Our joy didn't last as long because our little baby we had tried for, for so long didn't have a heartbeat and after just 8 weeks we had a miscarriage. 
It was so hard to pick ourselves back up after losing 'poppy seed' (the baby was a size of a poppy seed when we found out we were pregnant) but we did and to our surprise we were pregnant again with our angel daughter Isabella. Losing Isabella was probably the worst day of my life. Going into labour at 40+5 weeks to find that there is no heartbeat was the hardest thing to understand. I had a fully grown baby inside me, I had felt her kick and move around. I had watched her heartbeat on our scans. I had heard her heartbeat on our scans. She was real, she was human, she was a baby, she was ours. 
How on earth could she be dead? How? Why?  
Finding out we were pregnant again after Isabella was bitter sweet. How could we replace her. Would she be looking down on us thinking we didn't care. Again our bitter sweet joy didn't last too long as at 22 weeks there was no heart beat. My this time I was just numb, how could this happen twice, the odds are just crazy. Poor Rosie was gone. Poor big J, he was just 8 and he had lost three siblings. 
It was time to give up now I couldn't go through this again, I didn't want to. I had spent 6-7 years thinking about babies and I had enough. We'd had enough.
That yearning for a baby didn't away so when we found out we were pregnant just over a year later we were happy but we soon found ourselves back at the hospital just after a few weeks of finding out. Our baby had no heartbeat. This time I didn't lose our baby naturally I had to go into hospital to have our baby removed. It was so sad and heartbreaking.
Baby Loss Awareness Week is a time for parents to come together and remember their babies. I have always talked openly about our losses and although it hurts each and every day I know talking about it to anyone who will listen helps raise awareness.
The 15th October ends Baby Loss Awareness Week and I will be joining in with 'Wave of Light' 
I will remember my babies by lighting a candle at 7pm and leave it burning for 1 hour.
Doing this I will be joining the wave of light uniting the world in honour the babies who lit up our lives for such a short time.
You can read more about my story by visiting my justgiving page HERE 


*This post was originally posted in 2014, however it has since been updated*

28 comments

  1. Feeling really sad after reading your Post. I admire you for the fact that you are able to write about it and also helping to raise the awareness of baby loss. Hugs and best wishes.

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  2. I am so sorry you had to experience this x x

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  3. So moved by your story and thanks for sharing. I recently lost a baby at 8 weeks when scan showed no heartbeat but I cannot imagine the pain of losing Isabella and Rosie. It is important to talk about baby loss and raise awareness.

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    1. Emma, losing a baby at any stage is so heartbreaking. So sorry for your loss xx

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  4. I really admire you for being able to write about your loss to raise awarness of baby loss. Sending you hugs X

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  5. Aww! So heartbreaking!! You are so brave for sharing your story and raising awareness x

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    1. Thanks Kim for popping over and for your kind comments

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  6. So very sad , you are really brave it must be heartbreaking for you.

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  7. Oh my love, how terribly sad. My heart is breaking for you. You are very strong to share your story - may your angel babies be at peace. xx

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  8. Oh Michelle, I feel so sad having read your post. I had no idea. You are incredibly strong to write about it and I send you huge hugs. Your babies are still with you and always will be...let them give you strength in the darkest of days xxx

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    1. Thanks Vicki for your comments xxx and for popping over xxx

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  9. I'm so sorry you had to go through these losses. Sharing must be painful, but I'm sure it helps others.

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    1. I hope it does help other parents who have suffered a loss of a baby x

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  10. Ohh bless you Michelle, it is so sad. Thanks for sharing and helping to raise this important issue and helping other parents know it is OK to talk about their loss. Mich x

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    1. I hope it does help other parents to talk, because for me talking really helped me get through it xxx

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  11. I am so very sorry for your loss of your babies. I can't imagine what you have been through. You are so brave and strong for sharing your story and for helping raise the awareness this week. I think more people should be open there is this stigma people hush about not talking about miscarriages/stillbirths. I think it makes it harder if we don't share our experiences and let people maybe understand us better than lock inside us. Good for you. Sending huge hugs too. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

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    1. Thanks Jenny for your comments. I hope it does help others to open up about losing a baby. Talking is the best therapy and I've talked to anyone who'd listen and it helped me lots xx

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  12. Michelle, I am so very sorry for the loss of your babies. How devastating this must have been. Thank you for sharing your stories and helping raise awareness of baby loss. Sending hugs your way. I will be lighting a candle tomorrow night and thinking of all the little angels who gained their wings too soon x

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    1. Thanks Louise for popping over, I am joining in with wave of light tomorrow too.

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  13. Amazing how you are so brave
    They are all resting in peace for eternity

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  14. I'm so sorry for your losses. I read this and my heart broke for you. Your are a super strong lady. Thinking of you and your little angels x

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  15. You do seem to have many losses. It is good that you remember them as part of your life, family life etc. As pregnancy for some is just somehow expected to happen. Maybe because there is some much onus on Contraception. Family Planning maybe should be just that, yet life is unpredictable. Pregnancy does not just happen once Contraception is stopped, at least not for everyone. So I suppose we really need to consider the possibilities :- no pregnancy, pregnancy but loss, successful pregnancy etc.

    Children can be Wonderful, a gift. They can bring Joy. As you say for those who are with us briefly, we can remember them. By doing so we are acknowledging how they touched our life and that of others. As we do so look forward to meeting newborns etc. I recall a friend and when she had a stillbirth. We live a distance apart. I had a planned visit, baby would have been two months old then. Though I did not get to meet the baby unfortunately. I did get to share in how she had touched the family's life. We shared photographs, footprints etc. I was glad that they had tangible memories which they could share. She will always be part of the family. We all truly loved her. Thoughts with yourself and others at this time.

    Rachel Craig

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  16. Well done for giving your babies love and respect that they are due.

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Thanks for your comments. I love reading them :)